When you struggle to give Him your yes

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There come those moments in life when you sense God calling you to come to a deeper level, to be all His. You might hear his whisper through a love song playing overhead as you select oranges in the produce aisle, or through a fallen flower petal, or through a line that leaps off the page.

Lately He has called to me through a sudden awakening to the mystery of incarnation as I sat and quietly prayed for the husband of a friend dying of cancer: Jesus wanted to be present among them, and He chose to go in my body! He has called through the pain of seeing a man I’ve liked from a distance with his arm around the shoulder of another woman, and He has called through the words of the pastor challenging us: When Christ is alive in us, “the forms, patterns, and structures of our lives will be determined by only one thing: do they enable us to stay alive to the love of the bridegroom? If they do not, they must be changed.” (Darrell Johnson)

However His call comes, in that moment you know, you know – He is speaking to you, calling you to be all His. And in that moment your heart is His. You give him your yes.

Or maybe you don’t. You hold back in fear.

As the call has come for me: “Will you be Mine alone?” my heart has cried, “Yes, there’s nothing I want more!” And my heart has panicked and wondered if it’s too late to get out of it. And my heart has questioned whether I really heard His voice, if he really, seriously, all kidding aside means that.

And as He keeps bringing me back, again and again, through the place of finding myself loved in the mess to the place of knowing myself all His and not wanting to be anything else, slowly my heart is seeing the amazing truth in it all.

He, the all-powerful God of the universe, chooses us, chooses little, messy, fickle me, to be his bride—not just to receive the gifts springing from his gentle and passionate love, nor even merely to open to Him and allow Him to place Himself within us, but in some mysterious sense to be His life partner, seated beside Him, sharing His vision, and trusted to participate in His creative work in the world.

4 thoughts on “When you struggle to give Him your yes

  1. I especially like the way you’ve expressed that amazing relationship in your last two lines (verified by their Scripture references) – “seated beside him, sharing his vision, trusted to participate in his creative work” …. and so thankful He was able to be present in you with our friends in their time of special need. Bless you, Love!

  2. This post resonates with me, and challenges me at the same time… is he truly trusting me to participate in His creative work in the world? What parts of “me” does He want for this participation, and what parts of “me” do I need to discard in order to to truly participate? I guess we have to abide in Him, and trust that He is changing the things that need to be changed while fine-tuning the parts of us in which He delights…

    1. I think you’re right on, Lilac. It’s all about abiding in Him, and He is the one who does the reshaping. And I think the outcome of that abiding is ultimately more about opening us up and making us freer to be ourselves than about discarding parts of ourselves. But sometimes, at least for me, part of the process is being willing to say no to something – even something good – when God has made it clear that He is asking me to love Him and receive HIs love in a different way.

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