He sits long, watching amidst the grid of stone and steel.
He doesn't dip for food and I wonder what he's waiting for. Does he even know?
I wait with him, glad for the quiet moments.
In the stillness a longing rises in me. I have begun to take wings, to fly beyond the steel grid of fear that pins me to earth. But I long to fly higher still, farther and deeper into the wide spaces of God's love.
The bird has wings, made for the air. I have feet and a soul and I'm made to be filled with God Himself. My choice not to step into this is as irrational as a bird who refuses to fly.
This alone is true living, this alone is true worship, this offering of my body each moment to be filled with God.
What am I waiting for?
Mostly I wait out of fear. Like this morning. I woke on this first day of the rest of my life, frightened to step into it. It’s one thing to birth a book, quite another to let it find its way out in the wide world. For a moment I gave in to the fears, “What if they don’t like it?”
Yes, what if they don't. Would it matter?
In one way, terribly. When you find something that changes your life, don’t you ache for everyone else to find it too?
In another way, not at all. The living and writing of this has been my own Rational Worship, one way I have loved God with all my heart and soul, mind and strength. God has met me here, received my worship. And today my Rational Worship is to put it back into His hands and let it go, out into the world, wherever He wants to take it. This is my next step, next wing-beat, deeper into Him.
I watch the bird, listen to my own heart.
It's time. Time to listen to the One who can tell us who we're meant to be. Time to ask Him the questions that have lain hidden, tying us down with invisible chains, "Can I really trust You? When life has fallen apart why is it reasonable to trust You with myself again? Why dare to step into Your arms?"
I could just tell you what I've discovered in my journey of the past four years, that even in the midst of life’s disappointments, God does not disappoint. I could just tell you that though He has taken away some pretty big things, He has never taken away anything except to give me more of Himself. And that He is worth everything.
But what you really want to know is "Can God be trusted with my life? How can I know that it's safe to trust Him?" And as many stories as you hear, that answer can only be received in God's presence. So instead of merely telling you my own story, I'd like to lead you (with those big questions) along a bit of the road He has led me on toward the One who knows how you can best hear His whispers. To the One who has been waiting to welcome you deeper into His heart.
So if your soul is longing for more, if something is stirring and you wonder if it's time, come with me, will you, on a journey deeper into the heart of God? Dare to ask, to test, to question.
Stepping out is always scary. But until we do, we’re only living half alive.
Come. It's time to fly.
Click on the images below to download your free copy of the six week Bible study, "Rational Worship: Offering Ourselves to the God of Mercy" and the accompanying Leader's Guide. (You may wish to right-click and choose "download linked file" to save the pdfs to your computer.)
And if you'd like company on the journey, pop back here each Monday, or slip your email into the box in the right side-bar for weekly grace delivered straight to your inbox. We'll learn to fly together.
What holds you back from offering yourself fully to God?