When Jesus offers to carry your sickness

The pastor speaks of how Jesus takes and carries not just our sins but our sicknesses.

It’s all right there, so clear in the Hebrew text of Isaiah 53 where eight times words referring to physical pain and illness are used. (Jesus is “a man of pains and acquainted with sickness.” Isaiah 53:3b NASB footnotes)

And it’s so clear in the way Matthew uses Isaiah 53:4 to refer to Jesus’ healing ministry:

“[Jesus] drove out the spirits with a word and healed all the sick. This was to fulfil what was spoken through the prophet Isaiah:

He took up our infirmities

And carried our diseases.” (Matthew 8:16-17)

The pastor lays it all out and ends with the honest admission, “How it all works—I do not yet understand.”

I don’t either.

But this is how I’m experiencing the first little piece of it these days:

“Jesus, will you take and carry this fatigue that I’m feeling?”

He’s always willing. Sometimes He carries it away, and sometimes He carries it by carrying me.

Gentleman that He is, He always asks the next question. “What else are you carrying? May I carry that too?” Sometimes when I let Him take and carry my concern for a friend or my worry about what people will think or my questions about the future, that’s when I find the fatigue going too. And I realize that, that time, what I was feeling physically had deeper roots.

And the times He carries my illness by carrying me—those are as big a gift. Carrying my illness by carrying it away, carrying my illness by carrying me: both come from His love that desires and works for my true wholeness—not just physical but relational, not just relational but physical.

Some parts of the wholeness may come in this life, some not ‘til the next; that doesn’t change the fact that God desires and works for the health of our whole being. Nor does the fact that sometimes the path to wholeness seems at first to be leading away. Broken bones that have healed wrong may need to be re-broken. An infected wound needs to be opened and allowed to heal from the inside out.

I’d sensed God ask way back at the beginning of my illness, “Do you want to be made well?” (John 5:6) I’d said yes, but only if He would heal me from the inside out. I didn’t want to be made physically well only to crash again because the deeper issues hadn’t been dealt with. I’d felt ashamed of that response at first, guilty about my reluctance to be set instantly on my feet and plunged back into the world full of work waiting to be done. But it was the only honest answer I could give. And now I see it is God’s heart too. He knows that the only way to truly heal is to heal from the inside out.

And He is doing it.

Over the past few days, switching medication has given me lots of opportunity to practice this piece of letting Him carry my illness. Figuring out the right dose usually means weeks of worse symptoms. But this time (dare I say it?), the process has turned from something I usually dread to something even (yes, really) enjoyable. Because I’ve felt safe. Loved. Held. I’ve been able to let Him carry the questions about the dose and the worries about how I’ll manage the upcoming retreats. I’ve been able (mostly) to let go of trying to control the process and worrying about the outcome. So when the needed dose has been less and the energy more than expected, I’ve been free to enjoy it and enjoy loving Him and others in it. And the harder moments have been made lighter by His presence.

I don’t know how the next bit of the story will unfold. I do know I have a God whose heart is always, one way or another, to bring all His people to wholeness.

This Post Has 6 Comments

  1. Jo Dee Ahmann

    A brave response, Carolyn–to want to be healed from the inside out. Thank you, once again.

    1. hearingtheheartbeat

      I hadn’t thought of it that way, JoDee. Thanks for helping me see from another perspective.

  2. Klara van der Molen

    We most often need to be healed from the inside out– our outside symptoms are often because of deeper wounds, even if we don’t know them or grasp them or even understand them. Something is triggered and creates the outward spiral of our illness. An amazing doctor ( who is long retired) asked of me once– ” Klara, do you just want a plaster for your wound, or do you want the actual wound to be healed?”..Also, instead of ” what else are you carrying”– the question just maybe– what else would you like Me to carry for you– especially when Jesus know what we carry, but we are not willing to let go off it.
    Thank you Carolyn, for asking the questions for us, making us think, making us ponder the hard questions of life– and for letting them go- give them to God– who knows all already. Sometimes– even as we know the words so well– it is hard to put into practice the words God speaks to us–” for I am able to do immeasurably more than you know or can imagine – Ephesians 3:20.
    I have you in my heart.

    1. hearingtheheartbeat

      Thanks for sharing that bit of your story, Klara. Sounds like you had a very wise doctor.
      Good thought re the question. Isn’t it crazy that we aren’t willing to let go of things when we have someone so loving and strong and wise who is willing to carry them for us? And yet it’s still often such a struggle. . . . I needed to be reminded of Eph 3:20 tonight. Thank you!

  3. Linda Mitchell

    Thank you Carolyn. You have put into words what I have been experiencing for the consciously for at least the last 3 years. Bless you

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