I first heard the words some weeks ago.
We were talking about something that was painful for me to see. Somewhere in our conversation we stopped to listen to what Jesus might be wanting to say to me in that uncomfortable place of not liking what I saw in myself and finding myself unable to fix it. And the invitation that came then has kept coming each day since, echoing through my fears and into my failures, His presence in my hopes and disappointments and uncertainties: “This is where I want to love you.”
Right here in your fear.
Right here in your not-yet-perfection.
Right here in the painful place of not being able to fix the things that you don’t like to see.
This is where I want to love you.
His words disarm my tendency to beat up on myself.
They replace my fear that God is disappointed with me with the truth that He delights in me.
They help me rest in His gentleness.
On Saturday I ran. I was getting my morning exercise. I was also trying to outrun the chorus which mocked me. As I stood at the end of my run with my ankle on the stairwell railing and bent at the waist to stretch, I saw it lying there on the rough hardness, right down near the cracks and the fallen fig leaves, the bits of grey gravel and the dirt off everyone’s feet—the pink petalled reminder, “This is where I want to love you.”
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Wow, Carolyn, this is so much what I needed today…this very moment! He does want us to see the places in ourselves where we are struggling, resisting, fearing, and the ugliness of it all, and then rest in him and his love for us. This is hard because we don’t want to look at it and I often just refuse or run. But this so encouraging. What amazing love he has for us! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and your heart in your blog. You cannot imagine what help and healing you bring from our dear savior!
It is so hard not to run, isn’t it Jean? I guess that’s why I keep needing to come back to this reminder. I’m so grateful Jesus is gentle and patient!
I just love this so much! How beautifully and vulnerably said. One of your gifts to the world dear one, your words, your words so tender and unhidden that beacon us all to live more honestly. A truly beautiful gift!
Thank you, Nancy. I’ve discovered your comment just as I’m sitting down to work on an impossibly vulnerable part of my book. You’ve encouraged me to keep going. . .
O yay for God’s impeccable timing!! I posted your beautiful powerful blog this morning and all day at meetings & various places people stopped to say how much it encouraged them, how it was just what they needed to hear!! Love you & I will pray for this very important part of your important book. Our hearts need to hear it so badly…