Why I said yes

Photo compliments of Tricia Jagt 

“God, we will do anything. Anything.” I haven’t read the book; this one line is enough to challenge me all week. Why do I struggle to pray the same thing? What holds me back from total surrender?

There are roses on our table and a ring on my housemate’s finger.

He surprised her in a theatre with extravagance. Red roses, champagne and the friends to share a toast were followed by a party with more friends and family. On her finger he placed a ring specially designed to honor her heritage and celebrate her uniqueness. He, the quieter one, planned every detail of the community celebration to honor the one he loves. He left no room for doubt: he delights in her; her personality, her desires, her loves. He left no question: It is Tricia, deeply known and loved, whom he desires and invites to share life.

True love knows the other (sometimes even better than they know themselves!) and honors them.

Does your heart, like mine, wrestle to receive God’s whispered truth? “I love you a million times more than Juan Carlos loves Tricia.” (That is saying a lot.) “I know you a million times better” (That is thoroughly known.) “I delight in you a million times more.” (Is such a thing possible?)

I’m in my own world with my grocery cart half full, waiting for the check-out line to clear. A beautiful little girl with black hair and chocolate skin bounces in front of me, singing along with the background music. I wake up to reality: God knows I’ve been in that store a hundred times and never even noticed the music playing. Rather than let me miss His song, He sings it through the lips of a child dancing a foot away from me. He doesn’t mind having to lean in close. He knows me. And He delights to shape His loving to capture my attention and my heart. She sings the two lines: “When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change, ‘cause you’re amazing just the way you are.”

He knows me and He loves me. When I forget this, I hesitate to give Him my unconditional and enthusiastic “yes.” He – the perfectly faithful, wise, creative Lover – desires me. He doesn’t want to make me His so that He can fit me into someone else’s skin. He wants me to know that He loves me, wants me to know it deeply enough to receive His pledge and become fully and freely at home in His love.

He has my yes.

4 thoughts on “Why I said yes

  1. Wow! Sooo awesome. Great post and great reminder!
    Thank you. And congrats to Tricia!

    • Wonderful to be known and loved, isn’t it? Knowing that I’m fully known and fully loved. . . this is something I pray God will keep bringing me – and you and all the others I love – into more and more deeply through our whole lives. I think only this really sets us free.

  2. Madeleine Oostindie says:

    So beautifully said, Caroli. Thanks so much.

    And do send a big congratulations to Tricia and Juan from us. Lovely photo. Hoping all is going better for you — and studies are keeping you busy but happy. You are missed! And have been in my thoughts and prayers. We’re still waiting for the mudder to finish the dry wall in our house. Busy with final flooring choices — we may go with tile for the main floor and install it ourselves over the Christmas holidays — it’s way too expensive to hire a tiller. From here on in we’re trying to do as much of the labour on the house as we can to reduce our costs — as all as been more expensive than anticipated — we must entrust all into God’s hands. Grateful for every sale and bargain.

    Love and a big hug to you, Madeleine

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