Last year, for the first time, I had a little balcony. I tucked four small Impatiens plants into each long planter and watched as they quickly spread and poured over the edges, framing my space with a cascade of color. I didn't know where their name came from, but watching them grow, it seemed to fit. They seemed hungry for life, for growth, eager to escape the bounds of the container in which they were planted and fill the space with beauty.
I've since learned that the Impatiens walleriana in my little garden share a genus with touch-me-nots and take their name from the seed capsules which burst vigorously, spewing seeds up to several meters.
This year, for the first time, I'm growing my own Impatiens from seed, and as I watch them slowly unfurl into new life, I'm being given a broader perspective.
Even in ideal and identical situations, we all unfurl at different rates.
Six of the thirty-six seeds I planted were the first to sprout, a tiny shoot, then two green leaves.
For days, maybe a week or more, I saw only those six. I’d almost given up on the others. If I’d had more seeds, I might have replanted.
Now fourteen more shoots have pierced the earth, a few at a time, and I’ve regained hope for the sixteen seeds that haven’t yet come to life.
They’re all in the same soil, receiving the same sun, same temperature, same water. I don’t understand. A friend tells me it’s always like this—that they always appear in batches. She’s never managed to trace them through to their bloom, because by the time of bloom they’ve all caught up, but still she wonders. All her tulips of the same color bloom at the same time. Might the six Impatiens that first woke to the light turn out to be sisters, bearing the same color bloom?
I take a photo of my tiny plants all lined up in their rows to test her theory.
But in the midst of trying to uncurl the mystery and unfurl the science, I pause to listen to the deeper layers:
- the good and healthy urge within me to live fully, to let life flow through me, filling the space around me with beauty.
- the healthy desire to understand, a desire that can be twisted into a compulsive need to predict and control.
- the marvellous grace that reminds me that, in ministry and in my own spiritual life as in gardening, some steps I can understand and predict and even, to some extent, control. Others are known and accomplished by God alone. I plant and water. God makes seeds grow, in His own time.
As this 50-day season of Easter continues, I'm reminded that what seems lifeless may not always be—it just might not yet be time for its unfurling into new life. Jesus spent three days in the tomb, some of my Impatiens seeds a week in the soil, and others two or more weeks before new life appeared, and it has been eleven years since I last assisted a mother to bring new life into the world. This weekend I finally stepped back into a group of doctors, now with not only my long-past medical training, but also my experience of life as a patient, and my training in theology and spiritual direction. Past training that had been long planted in darkness reappeared in a new form, sending up green shoots to offer my fellow doctors.
Soul work is slow work, my spiritual director has reminded me many times. Yes. And within myself as within my garden, some work is mine to do, and some only God can do. He doesn’t always do it according to my schedule (thank God!), but he is at work in each of us who are opening to Him, patiently and persistently bringing to completion his beautiful work in us.
There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.
(Philippians 1:6, The Message)
PS. Our church has developed a lovely practice of taking turns sharing a glimpse of God at work in our lives. Yesterday it was my turn, and I shared one of the places I've seen God at work, bringing new life—a different kind of life—out of something that at first didn't seem very hopeful. Curious? Watch below, then scroll down for news about a gift I'm creating for you.
I've been thinking again lately about Jesus' invitation to come and find rest, to learn from him and keep in step with him, and his corresponding promise that as we do so, we'll find his yoke easy and his burden light. I'm turning those ponderings into another free email course for you. (I needed a single word for that sentence so I settled on "course." By "course" I'm referring to a contemplative mini-devotional series that I pray will offer encouragement, help, and peaceful space for those of us seeking to settle a little more deeply into the rest that Jesus offers in the middle of whatever life holds. Phew. See why I needed a single word?) More details to come, but if you're already aching for rest, click here and enter your email address to receive the course as soon as it is released.